Messages That Make You Say...crazy boy say what??

These are a few messages I've received that are head scratchers, jaw droppers, or just plain weird. And keep in mind, these are all the FIRST INITIAL messages from people I'd never heard from before. Feel free to let me know what you think I should say back to these guys.

Jay****: sent 5/4/12 "lol their brother and sister too... haha I don't know. So you're a journalist.That's really cool. What are the main things you...journalize?"

Really?? A for effort on proving you read my profile. F for trying to come up with an intelligent question. This reminds me of a favorite movie: "So what's the symbology?" Anyone? :)

StillFresh********: sent 5/23/12 "Your very attractive....why don't you have a boyfriend?"

What does one say to that? In any situation, live or online? Um...because I have 11 toes? Or I'm a workaholic? Or maybe because I have severe emotional issues? Will any possible answer suffice?

Slappy*****: sent 5/27/12 "Nice. Beautiful."

Are we playing a game? I can list adjectives too. "Spiratic. Incomplete."

ArizonaSundevil**: sent 5/26/12 "Your sexy! Yummy! I want you to come over and have fun with me at my condo. I live near ***** and ******* in Mesa."

What is this? MySpace? Did I login to junior high again?

TonyD****: sent 5/26/12 "Country Girl (Shake it for me) Luke Bryan.....you so remind me of this song!"

Awesome. Thanks. That's just awkward....

Desert****: sent 5/19/12 "Nice pics :) Sorry to be so forward, but do you have any interest in an orally bi guy at all?"

Omg...what!? How does that work in your logic?! Wait, don't tell me. That's just....mind blowing.

AZMik**: sent 5/17/12 "so I dont have a pic just yet. How do I upload a photo off my phone?"

What am I? Your POF tech support agent?

Evo***: sent 5/29/12 "I would do battle with a family of wolverines inside of a port-o-potty with my hands tied behind my back and a painters brush strapped to my head as my only weapon just to get the chance to split a 5th of vodka with the male nurse that was in the delivery room when you were born.

.....there are no words in my head. Literally. So on that note.

The End.

Message Ettiquette

So for starters, I’d like to say that it’s a little astounding how often I get messaged in PoF. I’m not saying this to be cocky, or even suggest that I’m decently good looking. I’m saying this to emphasize how many people there are on this site, particularly men. In fact, a few weeks ago, on my third “live” PoF first date, I met at a local brewery with a man named Matt. (That’s what we’ll call him because that’s his name. No need for name changing when you never learned their last name.) Matt shared that he was curious as to what the difference is between the number of messages girls receive and guys receive. So he made a fake profile (more on that later) as a girl WITHOUT A PICTURE  and he was astonished to find that he averaged 10-15 messages a day over what he received as himself. And for the record, he wasn’t a terrible looking guy at all.

So back to my point, girls get messaged way more often than men it seems. But whether you’re female or a super popular male on PoF, the key to dealing with this bombardment of messages is to know how to spot the kind of people you're looking for with the limited information you have been given.  And in reverse, to those ofyou that are often sending messages and not hearing back, this is what to do and NOT to do when making the first point of contact.

The basics:

When messaging someone for the first time, (which by the way, in online dating, doesn’t really matter if you’re the guy or the girl messaging first so no worries there. We’re all equal, etc.) the goal should be to leave a simple message that stands out and shows you actually read their profile. You don’t need a novel, especially one all about yourself. If I have to read a page-worth of info all about you that I never even inquired for, I’m hitting the delete button.

Also, know your audience. If you're looking for a hook-up and you send the message, “what a hottie!” to someone who put their status as “looking to date,” or especiallly “looking for a relationship,” chances are, you’re not going to get a reply. So why waste your time? Or better yet, why spam up their inbox when they'd never consider someone who comments solely on their sex appeal, as it does nothing to show that you noticed anything else about them. But if all they want is a relationship based on looks, then hey, good luck to you both.

Post-First Message Ettiquette:

If you message someone and they don’t respond, don’t convince yourself that they just didn’t see your message. They probably didn't respond for a reason, whatever that may be, and don't want to make contact. So what should you do? How about anything that doesn't include sending them another message! But say you think I’m wrong, and you just want to give them a little nudge to remind them of your existence. Do you think it’s helpful to repeat the same message as before? Or even better, add a meaningless detail to the end of it? For example:

                Lover*****:  sent 4/30/12  “Are we quite a match?” J

                Lover*****: sent 5/6/12 “Are we quite a match? Im 6’8” fyi"

Telling me about your large stature will not defy all other reasons I must have found to not reply to you. I may be able to wear heels if I go out with you, but really, was that supposed to change EVERYTHING??

Furthermore, if you decide to message someone continuously without response, it doesn’t help your case to include dramatic statements or puntuation. Although, I guess it doesn’t really hurt either since, guess what? I’m still not responding. Observe:

               

                Lover*****: sent 5/13/12 “What does it take to know more about you?!?”

However, what’s definitely worse than a repetitive message and dramatic punctuation combined, are messages telling that person how much they’re missing out by not messaging you back. (Yes. Believe it or not, it happens.)

               

ADub***:  sent 5/28/12 “Outside of the…dancing, we have so much in common. I’m sort of surprised that you haven’t reached out to me. I would’ve made you happy. Extremely happy.”

Lefty*****: "I know that if you actually would make an effort, you'd find me fascinating and want to know more. Worth some effort on your part, but if you'd rather not, not to be a dick but your loss."

Oh really? Did you really just understand so much about me from my tiny profile to determine what kind of girl I am, what makes me happiest and more importantly, I’m the girl for you? If you truly believe that you are such a great catch, and a person with confidence and self-respect, then you wouldn’t wallow. You’d move on. Even if you privately confess to your friends that you’re disappointed, you don’t share that with strangers. And by the way, if you were my friend complaining about continuously having your messages ignored, I’d either help you revamp your profile or in the case that you were practically in tears that HottieReadytoParty didn’t give you the time of day, I'd throw some cold water in your face and say, get a hold of yourself!

Besides, for all you know, you shouldn’t feel too bad anyways. Maybe that person is shallow and only wants a specific model of a man/woman. For all you know, you dodged a bullet. Or maybe they’re perfectly nice and just didn’t have it in them to send a message solely to say, “No thanks.” Either way, it’s not a criminal act to leave an email from a stranger unreplied.

Plenty To Dish...Intro

I never thought I'd end up on a dating site. Firstly, because of the stigma that if you have to meet someone online...well, what happened to all the people you met in person? And secondly, I am what you would call "a social butterfly" who also happens to completely fear account insecurity on the web.This all became irrelevant, however, a few years ago, when a close friend decided that I “was ready to start dating” a few months after a big breakup. So before telling me, she created an account for me, directed the notifications to my email account, and the rest is history. Believe it or not, this has happened twice now, with almost two years in between them. And both times, once the accounts were made, I just thought, "Why not?"

The first attempt was created on a religious dating site since we both swore after our last breakups that we would focus on finding men that shared our religious beliefs. That site resulted in conversations with many fellow Catholics out-of-state, awkward virtual run-ins with friends from many local parishes, and two disappointing first dates with locals I didn’t happen to already know.

One element to the religious website that I thought to be super helpful was the section that specifically let you outline how strong the connection between your faith life and your way of living, because to some, they are one in the same. While others consider church teachings more like guidelines. I’ll leave out which side I personally belonged to (and displayed on my profile). But just imagine having a descriptive drawing of someone’s beliefs and activities, meeting them, and discovering that it was the opposite. How is that helpful for anyone? Me or the guy who put the fake information? The end of that online chapter: ended up dating someone I met at a friends birthday party for a few months.

The second time that my friend decided I wasn’t meeting or going out with enough interesting people, I received a text message with the login and password for the often advertised, Plenty of Fish.

And now, here we are, two months after I first opened the portal to local, online "Fishers." And let me tell you, the site is certainly filled with “fish” of many colors, many breeding and even hunting styles, if you will. From here on out, I will share my personal commentary and actual tales of interaction between myself and the men (and sometimes their significant other). If nothing else, this is for pure entertainment and maybe to serve as a slight reminder to be aware of who you could be conversing with.

 Here we go! And as so many posts end in the inbox field, Happy Fishing!